what He can do with me

We attended a family wedding last weekend, which is where this picture is from. I was asked to do a reading during the ceremony, so Cody was on Gunner duty. Gunner lasted about thirty seconds into the ceremony and threw a fit when the bride wasn't able to hold him. True story.

I struggle with the balance of writing openly about Gunner and his childhood because it is indeed his story. I can only tell you my part, and right now I can tell you that being the mother to a toddler is trying. Gunner is persistent, confident, bold, strong willed...everything I ever prayed for him to be; but boy can he push my buttons. 

I hesitate to say he pushes my buttons because I know he has no concept of that, and much more accurately, motherhood is really just showing my weaknesses. All of these weaknesses could really get me down, but I'm doing my best to see them as a needed opportunity to rely on the Lord, to acknowledge that I can't do this motherhood thing without Him.

Last week, at church, our pastor preached a sermon on our need, our dependency for Jesus. He taught over the feeding of the 5,000 and pointed out the self-sufficiency of the disciples..."Jesus, here's what WE can do to feed these people"...but it wasn't enough! They needed Him, we need Him, I need Him. 

The Lord takes our feeble attempts at adoption fundraising, and parenting, and discipleship and makes them into something bigger and better....if we let Him. 

And so, that's what I'm trying to do. I'm trying to be reliant, and needy, and dependent (all qualities I despise by the way) because I want to see what He can do with me.