mama bird

I've surprised myself and become way more mama bird than I ever thought I'd be. Though, I've always been fiercely protective of my family and friends, so I guess it makes sense.

When I signed Gunner up for a local mother's day out program in April, I had found myself at an uncomfortable place of motherhood. I find that I go through those phases, usually new stages...uneasy and then I grow into it, I find my stride in it. Gunner had just turned one and was quickly becoming a rambunctious toddler that I hadn't quite figured out how to keep up with yet. So, mother's day out seemed like a nice break, a time to get "my things" done. But, a week or so ago, when I got the reminder email about the upcoming first day of "school" and meet the teacher night...gosh, HUGE lump in my throat.

I guess the simplest way to put it is I know how I want Gunner to be treated and I worry someone else won't do that for him. I constantly do my best to speak love and encouragement over him, and I just fear someone else won't do that. In an emotional moment I told Cody..."If someone doesn't want to love and encourage and tell him how perfectly Jesus made him, I just don't have time for them in my life or his life." Brutal, but how I was feeling. He just has the wildest, but sweetest soul and I just can't bare the thought of something or someone hurting it. 
I know this is another one of those situations where I hand over my fears and worries to the Lord and acknowledge His sovereignty over my life and over my son...but y'all, it's hard. I'm doing my best to remember that Gunner is first His, and secondly mine and that the Lord loves and knows him even more than I do. A wise person once told me that having children sanctifies you like crazy. 

We did have Meet The Teacher Night yesterday and I find myself feeling a little better. Gunner ran right into his room, grabbed some "choo-choos" to play with, and looked up and gave me the biggest smile...his way of saying "look at this mama!" He spent the rest of that night running around with other little boys, while the lone two girls in the class sat and colored. He is certainly less worried than I am...I could learn something from his free spirit. 

Oh, motherhood. This never gets easier on the heart does it?