I've been in a funk lately.
Negative attitude. Easily overwhelmed. Anxious about everything.
If I'm being honest, I can get that way pretty easily.
You know when you've been feeling something for awhile but the right words weren't there to explain it all, to back it up? But then it happens. And you remember that day, that moment specifically because the weight was lessened. The weight isn't gone because the feeling is still there, but the feeling has a name, it's identified.
I've been feeling dissatisfied.
I've been feeling like what I have isn't enough, who I am isn't enough.
I've been feeling like being a Mom isn't enough.
I hate even writing that because I know where those ideas came from...dissatisfaction in things, in life, in me. I can tell you that those are not God thoughts, those are not God truths.
Blogging is an interesting thing because you find this platform. You find this place where people come to hear you. And at first, it's kind of cool. And then, it's kind of a lot of responsibility. And then, it's kind of scary because people want to hear you.
When I realized that people were coming to read what I had to say, I began focusing less on my voice and more on the voice of others. What was she writing? What was she saying?
Pressure. I am not enough.
So I tried to work to be "enough." Because if everyone is blogging and crafting and networking, and somehow still finding the time to shower and get dinner on the table, then I need to be doing that too, right? I was doing this all in vain, all hoping that I would find myself to be "enough."
Until the other night, when I felt it. Dissatisfaction was the name of the funk.
So I took a drive and listened to music in my car while Cody put Gunner to bed.
And I felt this being spoke over me --
You are enough.
You are perfect in me.
You need not want.
You need not worry.
You need be nothing more than you.
Peace. Peace in knowing that who I am right now, right here, right in this moment is ENOUGH. And the things I cannot fix, the things I cannot change? He justified those on the cross FOR me, so I no longer have to worry if I'm getting it all right, so I no longer have to feel all of the pressure.
If you're feeling it today..that funk..that unnamed feeling..and in it you find that you feel like you're not enough, I hope you find His grace. If you sit still and quiet long enough, I know you will. Because His grace is abundant and overflowing and it's given again and again and again.