My whiteboards when I returned to work this week
Before Gunner was born I thought that I might want to be a working momma. I enjoy my job as a teacher. My students were (mostly) sweet and they always made me laugh. And even when they made me want to scream, I loved watching that little light bulb go off over their head when we were dissecting a poem or short story. It was so rewarding. I knew I deeply loved the little boy in my stomach but I thought I might still want to continue in my career.
But the day that he entered the world, there was no doubt in my mind what I would do; and tonight, as I sit here writing lessons for my seventh graders, there is still no doubt in my mind that I'm meant to be a stay at home momma.
Some mornings I feel sick to my stomach as I sit in my classroom knowing that my baby is at home without me. I'm so blessed that this time is short lived and I'm doing my best to embrace the job that was once my calling for the last few weeks. I still love my students but it just isn't the same anymore.
I mean no insult to those women who are called to work outside of their home. I fully believe that there are moms who are called to be doctors, lawyers, teachers, business women, whatever...it just isn't my calling. I have full respect for anyone who follows their calling, no matter what it may be.
When Cody is at home with Gunner he often sends me pictures and videos of what they're doing at that moment. Sometimes it's a photo of Gunner curled up in his crib or a video of Gunner kicking around and smiling in his bouncer. The other day though, it was interesting...he sent me a picture of a nasty, poopy diaper with the caption, "Jealous?" I responded, "Actually, yes..."
Isn't it funny how things change? Lesson writing, poetry, and short stories used to be the most rewarding part of my life but today changing nasty diapers, getting spit up on, and watching my little boy smile and squirm is the most rewarding thing I have ever done.