Growing up I remember hearing adults (specifically my parents) talk about the worry that comes with being a parent. You know, followed by that very typical line.."you'll understand when you have kids someday." Okay Mom & Dad, you were right.
Last night while I was outside with the dogs, I took a little spill. My sweet Molly girl (you know, all 170 lbs. of her) got a little rowdy when I had her on her leash and pulled me a little too hard; thus, I fell. I caught myself on my hands and knees and got up unharmed. No belly hitting, or even remotely touching, the ground. Molly was distraught and quickly came to my aide, crouched beside me till I was on my feet. Once I was on my feet, my hand was covered in big, slobbery, Great Dane kisses.
I felt fine, I didn't ache, and I had no pains.
But, of course, a little bit of me started to worry.
I promptly came inside, drank a big glass of juice, sat down, prayed, and waited for Gunner to move. I called Cody at work, and he assured me that I was fine as long as I wasn't hurting (in times like these, his medical knowledge really helps calm me). Shortly after getting some sugary juice in my tummy, Gunner began to kick up a storm. Each little movement, even the kicks to the ribs, made me smile. My boy was just fine.
"Thank you, Lord," I said.
Followed by a thank you to Gunner as well.
Anxiety and worry are things I've always struggled with, and I'll probably write more about that later, but so many events have taught me that God is always in control. I think this will be a hard pill to swallow as Gunner comes into this world, but I know in my heart that it is true.
Gunner will always be most precious to me, but it comforts me to know that he is even more precious to God. He was knit in my womb for a reason, for a purpose. I don't even know what he will look like, but God knows the entire life that is ahead of him. God is so cool like that.
And do you know what's even cooler?
That God allows little worriers like me to raise his children.
And when we worry, He grants us a flurry of movement and kicks.